An Open Letter to Katherine Harris

Oh, Kathy.

I don’t know why you’re wearing what appears to be a golden goiter, either.

Was it your staffers, Kathy? Did they hold you down and wrap it around your neck?

You are so right. Staffers are bitches.

I have to confess though, Kath—I’m a little confused by your obsession with the Jews. You know I love the Jews too, sweetie, but you’re starting to scare me a little with the whole Queen Esther thing. I know that you think you are just like her, but here’s the thing, kitten—Esther wasn’t crazy.

So let’s try to get it together over these final days before the election, shall we?

And pull down your skirt, honey, you look like a tramp.