Metro-spections: Thoughts from the Daily Commute

I enjoy judging other people. That's why my forty minute metro commutes in the morning and evening are often the highlight of my pathetic accounting existence (one of the five financial statement assertions, if you were wondering). If you didn't know, forty minutes on the metro is a lot of people. And I love every one of them.

Each rider is an unopened book . . . and we all know you judge a book by its cover. This adds up to an overwhelming amount of judging in 40 minutes. Fortunately, I've learned to focus my judging on the select few who deserve it most. I don’t prey on the weak and judge because I'm pretentious. I do it for pure entertainment.

For the novices out there, eavesdropping is the simplest tool for judging. Luckily for you, eavesdropping on the metro is as easy as Tara Reid. Just find that special couple who can't resist PDA or the co-workers with big mouths and stand by them. It's that easy. They'll do the rest for you.

You'll be entertained the entire trip. In fact, you'll probably be so engrossed in the absurdity of the experience, you'll forget all about why you're on the metro and where you're going. I actually consider it therapeutic because listening to other riders makes me feel good about myself.

But honesty, eavesdropping implies effort, and I make no effort to hear what metro riders are shouting these days.

What have you heard?