Awoken From Slumber, Dulles Realizes It's 2007

"Man, I’m glad that’s over. That security line was a bitch! Did you get strip-searched too? No? So strange that it always seems to happen to me.

I’m glad we left 4 hours before our flight. If we run, we just might make it to the gate in time.

Where are you going? We have to get on the what? The “mobile lounge?” What the fuck are you talking about? But our flight leaves in ten minutes!

I don’t want to lounge in this thing – I want to get to my gate. None of the terminals are connected? I see. Maybe someone could update this airport from the 70’s. Someone is? Wait, can I smoke on this thing?”



-- Shaken by the knowledge that Carter is no longer president, Dulles has decided to bring us the “AeroTrain,” which is coming in 2035, or whenever all the illegal immigrant construction workers finish it or whatever. I’m glad that my grandchildren won’t have to go through what the rest of us do to get on a plane at Dulles. "Aero" Train? Seriously? Even the name of the "modification" sounds like something out of Airport '77. Who the fuck is running this place? My money is on the organizers of the 1904 World's Fair. Or Joe Cotton... it could be Joe Cotton.

The one question no one is asking, however, is: “What will happen to all those Mobile Lounge drivers?” Will they become restroom attendants? Baggage handlers? Nascar drivers?

Welcome aboard the 20th Century Express, Dulles... your “updates” are late, over-budget, and underwhelming... and Tampa airport beat you to it in, like, 1987... but WELCOME!