Tell Me a Little About Yourself

I was just talking to a friend of mine, who is looking to land a job here in DC. She's incredibly intelligent and would be capable of doing just about anything. It should be obvious to anyone interviewing her that she'd be a good fit for their organization. I say all this to set up my complete shock when she told me that she would have to submit a "writing sample" to a company she had recently interviewed with.

Why is a "writing sample" such a shocking thing?

It isn't, except that the topic is (Ready? No really, are you ready?) A press release (wait for it)

ABOUT HERSELF.

As I said, when I first heard about this task, I was shocked. What kind of pseudo-creative, ass-lick HR crap was this?

But then I got to thinking, maybe a self-reflective press release isn't so much an innovative job-selection technique as it is an innovative life evaluation tool.

Think about what your "press release" would look like from today.

Here's mine:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Q woke from a healthy slumber this morning at about 10:00 AM. After finishing his morning coffee, he scoured the web for jobs, news, and sports scores.
While taking a crap, Q laid out his plans for the day, "I think I'm really going to buckle down and get some work done. With the weekend rapidly approaching, I realize I haven't been as productive as I'd like. That's going to change today. I've set some goals."
A lunch of peanut butter and grape jelly, a nectarine, and a tall glass of milk put Q in good spirits and ready to tackle the work that lay ahead of him. Then he fell asleep.

Contact: Q at nothingthatclever.blogspot.com with questions or comments

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See, now that's a healthy exercise. It helps me see that my life is in complete shambles. It helps me see that I sleep way too much. Months later I'll do another press release about myself and then compare the two. Hopefully I'll see that my life has changed dramatically. I'll be gainfully employed, I'll be driving a new car, and you won't even be able to find grape jelly in my apartment. That, or I'll still be asleep on my couch.

What would your press release look like?