So This Panhandler...

...limps up to me the other day on 14th street. Now, being accosted by a panhandler is nothing unusual in DC. I remember when I was about 6 years old (back when my family lived in Chantilly) walking from our parked car, over by the Red Cross Headquarters, to the Christmas Tree Lighting in the Ellipse. You literally had to step over the crouching, pleaing panhandlers huddled around the steam vents . I think things have gotten better since then, but there remain a healthy number of panhandlers roaming the streets.

So back to the guy all up in my grill the other day -- we'll call him Jerry. Jerry had snuck up behind me as I was looking in a store window. He cleared his throat, and I turned around.

"Yeah, 'scuse me sir, but I was wonderin' if you could..."

As Jerry spoke, he waved a dirty, plastic Solo cup and, what looked to be, a Chinese take-out menu in my face.

I took a step back and Jerry sputtered on, "...help me out with a few dollars -- ANYTHING you can spare. You see, I been walkin' around all day lookin' for a job, and I got a few applications (waves the take-out menu), but right now I just need somethin' to drink (waves the plastic cup). I can go right over there and get somethin', I just need a few--"

I cut him off. "Yeah, well, I'd like to help you but I'm just down here taking a walk and all I have is my metro card -- no wallet, no change. Sorry."

Jerry blessed me and sidelded off. I didn't have any money -- really -- but even if I did, I probably wouldn't have given it to Jerry. Not because I'm a cold-hearted bastartd (because I am), but because Jerry's story, his plea, sucked.

I called Jerry back over and told him I didn't believe he had been looking for jobs all day (the take-out-menu-as-application kind of gave it away), but even if I had, so what? Jerry needed a better reason than just looking homeless and thirsty for me to part with some cash.

How about a sick baby at home? Maybe a tragic tale involving loss, disaster, or heartbreak? Or, for once, maybe he could just say, "Hey, you know what's unfair? Me having to ask you for money so I can get something to drink. But, that's the way it is, and I have to ask. So, can you help me out?"

In other words, if you're going to lie, make it good. And if you aren't going to lie, say something that will get my attention.

I continued to help Jerry. I told him not to be waving some piece of paper in my face from the get-go. Chances are, I think you're trying to get me to sign up for something, and everyone walks away or pays no attention to those guys.

Jerry, I told him, you don't need any props. Just a story or a smile. And a shower.

We parted as friends, and although I couldn't help Jerry purchase a beverage I think I gave him something much more powerful that day: an understanding of the power of narrative.

So, the next time you're approached by someone asking for money, take a moment. Ask yourself: "Is this story believable? Is this plea heartfelt? Has this person said anything to make me interested in giving them money?" If the answer to any of these questions is no, help out -- tell that pan-handler exactly why you aren't giving him or her any money. And then, most importantly, give them some suggestions on how to strenghten their "story."

Remember, the little deeds add up -- we can all help to make this world a better place if we just take the time.