Apples are for Canadians

Have you ever been apple picking?

I haven't.

And I think if someone said, "Hey, let's go apple picking" I would probably say "Ok," but with no intention of picking any apples. I'd probably just sit under one of the trees and take a nap. Maybe the people I came with would do some apple picking and I'd watch. Really though, who actually goes and picks apples? I can buy apples at the store... already picked.

And for some reason I view apple picking as an activity that occurs under a blazing sun. I don't like to work under a blazing sun. Too hot.

When I was younger I joined the next door neighbor in throwing crab-apples at cars. Crab-apples are nothing like real apples -- in an apple orchard (not that I would know... I've never been to an apple orchard to pick real apples because none of you have invited me to go). I think they might even be poisonous. Anyway, we hit one car and it stopped and the lady driver knocked on my door and told my mom. We tried to hide in the next door neighbor's basement, but our moms found us. That was big trouble.

Now that I think about it, I don't even like apple pie.

--So, to answer your original question, Yes -- I've always been this awesome.