Why? Is everyone else dead?

Apparently Ryan Seacrest is poised to take over Dick Clark's spot on the "Rockin' New Year's Eve" countdown, should he become permanently indisposed.

If that happened, i imagine it might look something like this:



See what you did America? You applauded every time that no-talent asshole got on stage and do you SEE WHAT IT GOT YOU? It got you RYAN FUCKING SEACREST.

I hope you're happy. Now go live with yourselves.

Re: solutions

Yesterday at Chipotle, I heard a table of coworkers boasting about the new year's resolutions they've created for 2007.

I've always hated the social convention of creating a list of self improvements upon the arrival of each new year: if you can't realize you're too fat January through November, what's the point of noticing it in December? It's unlikely you'll do anything about it? For serious.

Nonetheless, the conversation provoked a 5 minute reflection on what it would take to make 2007 more amazing than expected.

Here's my list of new year solutions:

1. More Stella Artois
2. More Belle & Sebastian
3. Some neat scotch
4. Start an investment club
5. Slap Alex Trebek
6. Read Shaw, Orwell, & Joyce
7. Drink coffee
8. Date a girl who rides motorcycles
9. Stop practicing Santeria
10. Watch more film noir

Fuck yeah '07

Shut the fuck up.... Elliot Smith

Sometimes....everyone is busy.

And sometimes you try and post at 4 in the morning and you keep typing 9.

But fuck that.

Fuck all that horseshit.

Also... fuck The Weathermen. They don't know shit.

We've been busy. You know; work and shit. So back OFF.

We'll be back when we have something AWESOME to write about... or maybe when we aren't really drunk and hitting 9 instead of "o." Or something.

Fuck you.

Bitches.

I heart you.

and Eclipse gum.

Caption Monday

Ah, the Kennedy Center honorees.

There's a joke here somewhere...can you find it?

Doors Closing

Yesterday's metro rail tragedy was just that---a horrific accident that unfortunately claimed the life of a metro rail worker and critically injured another. So i guess the question, News Channel 8, is can you really lead into that story with that "ding-dong" noise the doors make right before they close?

Is that supposed to be ironic, News Channel 8?

Why not just lead in with this and have done with it?:





Jesus.