Caption Tuesday

Iowan college students are getting out the vote and apparently, eating a lot of bread. There's something awesome happening here...can you caption this?

I Hate Baseball

I wouldn't mind seeing the sport of baseball go down in flames. Though I'm not sure what all those people who follow it closely would do with their time. World of Warcraft?

This steroid report is awesome. And by awesome I mean: Really, Miguel Tejada?

"Hello, yes, I'd like to purchase some of your steroids. Who can I make that check out to? Oh, no, you can just send the illegal steroids to my home address using Fedex."

Since we've nixed that crack-cocaine sentencing distinction this week, I say we replace it with this: If you purchase drugs using a check, and then have the drugs sent across state lines (via USPS, UPS, FedEx) to your home address you deserve to go to jail forever. Or maybe consecutive terms of forever. We'll leave it to the sentencing judges' discretion.

John Stossel's Moustache would say: "Give me a break!" And then I'd slap that moustache right off his face. Because roid rage is unpredictable like that. And becasue of moustaches. Mostly.

Well Played, Black People

There's a certain amount of inevitability to this:

You know. In the way that someone coming up with a list of black people and using the word "beautiful" is sort of inevitable. This, however, i didn't see coming:

Suck on THAT, white people. Someone had to do it, and Black people did it first.

Also?

The "alive" qualification is really critical here, because otherwise:

Right?


White people: 215,235,324,324,116,938,922
Black People: 1

Our Offer...

Dear Brian of the website http://nothingclever.blogspot.com/,

It has come to our attention that you have appropriated our name and are using it for nefarious purposes. Who used what, first, is a matter for the lawyers. The basic fact is this: we are stronger than you, despite your "divinity degree" and penchant for "religion." If it comes down to a bare-knuckle brawl I give you this warning: You don't want to see how "M" fights. It is dirty, it is old-school, it is 60% verbal. You will not exit that stadium of blog gladiators the same man. Trust me.


You are no match for the unending chain of non-sequiturs I can link together in one post.


Brian, you and your sons must leave the internet in 48-hours. Your refusal to do so will result in blog conflict commenced at a time of our choosing. For their own safety, all your outgoing links, including "World's Greatest Band" and "Mike Nyman Photography," should leave your blog immediately. If you choose conflict, or refuse to vacate your blog after 48-hours, you will be visited by an internet campaign of shock, awe, and indie-rock music. Choose wisely and choose carefully.


We are now acting because the risks of inaction would be far greater. In one year, or five years, the power of Brian to inflict harm on all free blogs, innocently minding their own business until their names are also stolen, would be multiplied many times over. With these capabilities, Brian and his youth pastor allies could choose the moment of internet conflict when they are strongest. We choose to meet that threat now where it arises, before it can appear suddenly in our inboxes and Facebooks.


The clock is ticking Brian. The choice is yours.